Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
