Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
