I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
