Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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