You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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