I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
