Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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