Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
