No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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