Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
