i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
