Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
