the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
