I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
