Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
