She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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