I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
