Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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