Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
