Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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