i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
