Yo dont text me then not text me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
