Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
