Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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