dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
