I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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