Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
