That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
