can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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