you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
