Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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