and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
