well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
