I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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