I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
