I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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