i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
