i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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