I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
