Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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