Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
