I accidentally had phone sex last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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