Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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