either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
