apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
