I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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