I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize