I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
