Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
