____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
