singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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