We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
