maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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