Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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