The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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