So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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