Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
