she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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