you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
