strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
