Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
