When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
