you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
