meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
