just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
