The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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