The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
