I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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