drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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