She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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