I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
