I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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