i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Randomize
