does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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