So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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