i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
