peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
