oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
