if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
