my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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