this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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