i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
