Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
